2013-07-21: Kuenst Historisches, a feast for the eyes

Today was another museum day!  We went to the Kuenst Historisches, which is quite simply put, AMAZING.  I love stuff like that - am pretty sure I could spend the entire day(s) there - so much to learn!

Our beginning point to every adventure in Vienna, the Hernals Station.

While walking around town, we went to Demel's for the famous Sacher Torte (and other nummies).  They had a "gallery" where you could watch the workers making it (it felt a little like a high-brow version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - except the workers were normal-sized, spoke German, and didn't sing moralistic tunes designed to teach a lesson.  Oh, and they weren't orange either.

The Sacher Torte was definitely very good, as were all of the other treats.  But compared to Amy's Raspberry Chocolate Torte?  I'd say advantage... AMY.

But the coffee we had there was the best we've had on the entire trip.  Amy agrees, but says it was a little overpriced.  I say it was over-awesome.

Behold!  The Sacher Torte - famous world-wide, and *almost* as good as Amy's Raspberry Chocolate Torte.

The coffee to make everything right.

After achieving sufficient blood concentrations of glucose and caffeine we headed to the museum. 

HOLY CRAP!  What a place!

One of the greatest philosopher kings of all time, and a hero of mine: Marcus Aurelius.

Marcus Aurelius knew more about morality than most of the population does 1900 years later.

What a mother won't do for her young - see her feeding them her own entrails?  "AWWW MOM!  Do we *have* to eat your entrails again?!?  We had those *last* night."

Everything looks cooler with horns.

Pic doesn't do it justice, these figures were AMAZINGLY lifelike.  And made of silver.

LOTS of ivory.  In this one, you see Prince Eugene defeating some unfortunate Turk.  Tons of symbolism in this one, but check out the underbite on that guy!

You thought that one had a lot of symbolism?  Check this out: winged hags, and other turbaned types all vanquished while Prince Eugene sits calmly on the throne.  I love the voluminous use of Holy Hand Grenades (of Antioch) in this period.

Symbolism level 11.

In 18th-century Austria, BEAR SHOOTS YOU.

One of the largest collections of church imagery in one place (before they outlawed images of church-related themes)  Hmmm, where have I heard this sort of things before?  (oh NOW I remember!  Everybody Draw Mohammed Day)

These are actual sceptres made mostly of jade and marble.  Beautiful, but a bit funny that this was considered to be "the staff of power".

I wish I remembered more from my Art History - but WTF is up with their heads?  It's like they all had macroencephalitis!

Check this place out!

Hercules getting to know the locals.

Ella and some pharaoh dude.

One of the things that was surprising to some of us was that most of the marble statues from ancient times were actually painted.  Of course now we look at this and think how much it cheapens the appearance, but that's only because we grew up knowing that marble statues were supposed to be white and timeless.  This museum had a lot of them that were painted with the pigments/materials/styles of the time.  Here's an article that talks a bit more about it - http://harvardmagazine.com/2007/11/dazzlers-html

Lame with the paint, IMO

I thought this mummy looked Native American from the beading/weavings.

This is 2-dimensional painting.  Very well done!

Not sure that's the last thing I want to see before you trample me in battle.  Have a little modesty, horse!  Wear a fig leaf or SOMETHING.

A depiction of Old Testament Susanna and the Two Elders (Daniel).  A couple of creepers attempt to blackmail her into naughty things or else they'll accuse her of meeting a young man there.  She refuses, they accuse her, and just like that, she's condemned to death.  (sound familiar?)  In this case, it's still a happy ending, as some level of questioning find flaws in their story, but this could be a headline from any number of countries in the world.  Today.  Like in the 21st century!  Unreal.

Why do Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?  Seriously, it's like they didn't even think this stuff through!  :)

Maya with a picture of a unicorn - almost too much awesomeness for one photo!

That's a lot of art, yo.

I don't know exactly what's going on in this picture, but my guess is that he's casting some sort of "Wardrobe Malfunction" spell.  "Expelishirtus!"

I'm pretty sure I DO know what's going on in this picture.  This pic was probably snapped about 5 seconds before the cello player gave him a good beatdown.

"Oh man, that's not what I meant when I asked you to paint me as a 'mountain man'!  I just, oh, fuck it.  Here's your money, go away."

Look!  A phone with a cord!  (yes, we disinfected her immediately after this was shot).

Poseidon's looking a little tired these days.

I seen some shit, mang.

That, my friends, is a big-ass door.

The view from the outside.  There was a group of tourists (Czech?) singing on the sidewalk - really cool.

My sweeties.

I think these shots are hilarious.

Somebody googly-eyed this statue, and the result is comedy gold.

There were tons of other things - the Virgilkapelle (Virgilkapelle), silliness at Demel's, and more.  But those will have to wait for another day.